Peace That Passes All Understanding

One of my favorite movies when I was a teenager was “Miss Congeniality.” Perhaps it was the fact that I was in a type of pageant myself in high school, so I enjoyed laughing at myself. Who doesn’t love silly moments like this?   "World Peace"

You have to admit it’s funny. I mean, it’s easy to simply say you wish for world peace without doing much about it. (By the way, I think that women in certain pageants do a lot of good for the world, so please don’t think that I have anything against them!) This got me thinking recently, though, about how any talk of peace has become somewhat of a joke in our troubled world. For many, it feels unattainable, or – at very best – inconsistent.

Our Troubled World

I do understand. I have seen and experienced some pretty bitter parts of life. I mourn whenever I read current local and national news. I still feel like throwing up every time I think about recent shootings in Florida, particularly because I’m a teacher and feel responsible for the safety of kids (especially at school). I have something close to a heart attack every time I hear an ambulance siren or life flights heading to the hospital near my house (likely because I have a bit of PTSD from my husband having a grand maul seizure and riding in the ambulance to find a giant tumor in his brain). I often cry when I see homeless people slumped down on the street or think of the many women and children stuck in human trafficking situations. And let’s not even get started with everything going on OUTSIDE of our country. No one debates the fact that plenty of sorrow and anguish exist in our world.

For some, being in the middle of this bitterness – death, loss, violence, sickness, pain, poverty, depression, anxiety, and other adversities – feels like being stuck in a large dirt hole that’s just deep and slippery enough that no amount of effort with digging in fingernails to pull yourself out seems to work. Yet, it’s just high enough that you can still see people happily walking around the hole, seemingly unaware or uncaring that there’s anything in front of them at all. You cry out for help as loud as you possibly can, but your voice doesn’t seem to work. All that comes out is a pitiful cough. You try throwing rocks to get someone’s attention, digging in your feet to climb out, yelling again and again, and all it seems to do is make the mud below you sink even deeper. All day and night this continues until you hopelessly give up, bury yourself in the dirt, and go to sleep. Sadly, this happens in a more literal way for some when they take their own lives to relieve some of the pain they feel is inescapable. I know these thoughts.

Solving the Problems

We all do our best to avoid this hole and to crawl out when we are there, sometimes in healthier ways than others. Each action, as I’ve discovered, either draws in more light into our bodies, spirits, and the world around us; or it diminishes the light, giving a counterfeit or temporary dose of dopamine and other “feel good” chemicals in our brain to make us think it’s solving our problems – at least for a little while – but actually leaves us feeling more empty and lonely after the chemical wears out.

Some good and healthy activities that bring in more light and peace:

·         Prayer
·         Exercise
·         Scripture Study
·         Healthy eating
·         Meditation
·         Uplifting music
·         Church attendance & other uplifting meetings
·         Healthy amount of sleep
·         Temple attendance
·         Some medications
·         Reading
·         Drinking plenty of water
·         Selfless service to others
·         Ways we try to bring peace to the world: voting, donating, signing petitions, standing up for what we believe, defending, sharing knowledge, running for office, etc.

You cannot do one physical activity without lifting your spirit, and you cannot do one of these spiritually-uplifting activities without strengthening your body. Though difficult (and sometimes impossible to do all consistently), I do not see any of these things as anything but a “recipe for peace and joy.” They are not a way for us to feel guilty, hindered, or shamed… but each action is an opportunity for us to take a closer step towards God and feel a “peace that passes understanding.”

Satan also loves to mimic many of these steps with counterfeit or temporary thrills that are often more quick, easy, and appealing (though are proven to be mind-numbing and detrimental to overall health and well-being):

·         Pornography
·         Over-sleeping
·         Alcoholism
·         Over-eating
·         Negative media
·         Other addictions and over-indulgences, including “good” things (spending too much time or stress on anything that creates imbalance in your life)

When We Cannot Do It - My Personal Experience

Here’s the tricky part that I have found in my own life. All of these “checklist items” that definitely help are easier said than done. I fall short. I still stumble and fall. Hard times still hit as hard as a boulder over the head, and I feel quite helpless. Sometimes I cannot do it all. And as much as I tell my 8^th graders to NEVER think their actions cannot make a difference, there’s a small piece of me that doesn’t full-heartedly believe that. It is so, so, so important for us to do “small and simple things” to offer on our own personal altar… but there is still so much more that cannot be done by us alone.

I remember a time in my innocent youth when I first learned about human trafficking. I locked myself in my closet and literally wept uncontrollably for HOURS. How could the Lord let something so awful happen? Why does He not use His ultimate power to strike hard and free these people? Why is there so much bad in the world when I know God loves every single one of His children? Why does so much dark exist? I felt completely helpless and hopeless because it was something neither I nor any doctor, scientist, psychologist, or health-expert could solve. It was one of those turning points in my life, what psychologists would call a cognitive dissonance or disequilibrium, when my usual routine for finding “inner peace” was thrown off. Nothing was fitting the way I originally had organized in my brain. I believe this happens to everyone at some point in life – oftentimes more than once – and this was one of my first exposures to this feeling. I call it a turning point because where we decide to go in response to this confusing crossroads usually makes a big impact in our lives.

I did one of the only things I knew how to do when feeling too feeble and weak for anything else – I prayed. I prayed for the people in captivity. I prayed for all the people in the world who felt pain and loneliness. I repented of my ingratitude for my own luxuries and my weaknesses. I prayed for help in my own life. I prayed for greater peace and understanding of why these things in the world had to be. I told the Lord that I was okay to not know all the answers immediately, but that I would appreciate enough peace to pull me out of my current rut.

Almost immediately, a calm came upon me that was so distinct and different from what I felt before that I cannot deny its reality. I saw with what I call my “spiritual eyes” the most strong, loving, and compassionate face. His eyes were wet from crying, but also had a reassuring smile. As he backed away a little, I could see that he was holding out his hands. The closest thing I can compare it to is this picture:

I heard these words, “How could I forget you? You are engraved on my hands. I have overcome the world. Though darkness and sin cover the earth, I will save and redeem all mankind who come unto me.” This scripture then came to mind:

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

This became one of many moments when I experienced a “peace that passes all understanding.” In other words, there is no way to describe it with any more detail in this limited language I’m using. You simply have to experience it for yourself to understand. And even then, it’s difficult to understand yourself. It is not of this world, nor can any act we try to do ourselves compare with it. It is the joy, peace, and love that only comes through our Savior, Jesus Christ. For he is the Prince of Peace. 

He has descended below us all; therefore, ONLY HE who can pull us out of our deepest and darkest holes. ONLY HE understands exactly what every tiny pain, infirmity, and sadness feels like; and ONLY HE can bring a true and lasting peace to us, despite these pains. ONLY HE can heal us. ONLY HE can save us. ONLY HE can redeem us from bitterness and death. ONLY HE can cleanse and purify us. ONLY HE can succors our needs. It doesn’t matter if we believe or not. It doesn’t matter how many other methods we try to seek counterfeit or temporary peace. It doesn’t matter how many times we turn away from Him and act like He is not there. I am a witness that He is there regardless, with his hand stretched out to us always. He is there, sitting with us, weeping with us, and hoping that we will do what is necessary to see and feel Him there. He wants us to reach up to him, so he can take our feeble hands, and heal them. He wants us to have those points of sorrow and cognitive dissonance in our lives, so we will take that opportunity to choose Him. To turn to Him for peace, understanding, and answers to our questions. To take up our own crosses and follow Him. To do the hard things of this world. To do those little kind and selfless things for ourselves and others that WILL make a big difference in the world. To listen to His words, so he can help us along the way.

And here is a beautiful song that has been running through my head all day that I hope uplifts you, as well: "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" - Calee Reed

About Me and My New Blog

Welcome to my blog, and thank you for reading! For several years, I have contemplated writing this type of a blog, and I am excited to finally have it up and running!!! Let me start by sharing a little more about me and what you can expect from visiting my site. My hope is that each post will help someone, anyone, out in the wide universe walk away with some degree of light, wisdom, and truth regarding this beautiful journey of life; and I am sure I will learn from you, too, as you share your knowledge and insights with me through your comments.

Who am I?  

My name is Rebecca, and I am a daughter of God. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If this name does not sound familiar, you might better know those of my faith as “LDS” or “Mormons.” Why the nicknames? Simply put, they are shorter and easier to say. “Mormon” comes from our belief in The Book of Mormon, which we read and study alongside the Bible. However, I prefer to use the full title of our church, as it includes an extremely important name that is left out in the nicknames – namely JESUS CHRIST. Yes, we believe in Christ. We talk of Christ. We rejoice in Christ. We have hope in Christ. I’m not talking about the wishy-washy “I’m pretty sure the glass is half full” kind of hope. I mean actual convicted heartfelt joy, peace, love, knowledge, and faith that stirs through your mind, heart, eyes, ears, and entire body (even when you know bad things are happening around you or in the world). Perhaps you don’t know what I mean right now, but I hope to share more in future posts and encourage you to find out for yourself.

It is because of my desire to follow Jesus Christ that I have finally put together this blog. I was instructed to do so – to cast out my fears of being rejected or condemned, to set aside time out of my insanely busy schedule, to stop worrying about my weaknesses and insecurities, and share my testimony of Him to the world. I am turning this blog over to Him and pray He will guide my words in a way that will touch the hearts of those who read. I am a weak and broken servant, but He has put me back together in ways that are difficult to describe, and I know that all things are possible through Him.

Where did I come from?

Without going into too much detail, I believe we all came from a heavenly realm before birth called the “pre-existence” where we resided and were taught by a Heavenly Father and Mother. Why do I believe this? Perhaps I will share in some of my posts a few premortal memories I have been blessed with. For now I will just say my “earthly parents” taught me so, and I have come to know it for myself.

I grew up in a small town where almost everyone knew each other’s names, and Walmart was the weekend hot spot. I had a loving and supportive mom, dad, and 5 older siblings. 2 of my siblings died as infants through stillbirth and a few days old due to a heart condition; so I really should say I have 7 siblings. Our home was a place of refuge, peace, joy, music, and learning. My mother taught me from an early age to treat others kindly, listen to the Lord’s voice, and do good continually. Some might call their gospel teachings a sufficient dose of “brain washing” to really make it stick in my brain. ;)  If you had ever visited my home, though, you would understand how sensitive and caring they were regardless of who you were, what your current interests/passions were, or what issues you brought to the table. They were there for us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in every possible way. Were they perfect? No. Was my childhood perfect? No. But, boy, am I grateful for my many blessings growing up, and no one will make me feel otherwise!

Education was a big part of my upbringing, so I earned a bachelor’s degree in Secondary English Education and have enough credits for a music minor. No, my English major does not give you permission to bash on my admittedly imperfect grammar/writing skills. ;) I’ve worked many odd jobs through college and have since been a professional tutor, taught private piano and violin lessons, been a high school and middle school English teacher, and I now teach for an online public charter school from home.

What am I doing here?

Well, if I’m being fully honest (as this is a place of truth), I’m still figuring it out. What I do know is that I was asked to start this blog and make it public for all to read who have the desire. So I hope I have some dose of experience or insight to share that will benefit readers. I do believe I am on the earth for an eternal purpose, as are you, and I have journeyed through many ups, downs, and even dull moments that continue to shape and mold me into the person God wants me to become.

Some “ups” to highlight: I met my husband at BYU-I where we both attended college, and we are going on 9 years of almost-bliss. J We have 2 beautiful kids and hope for more. We have been blessed with jobs that provide, including my current job of working from home where I get to raise my children AND pay bills! We both came from good families in whom we trust, and have a few incredible friends who we consider to be family. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, warm beds to sleep in, kind neighbors, a knowledge and testimony of God, a beautiful world to enjoy around us… should I go on? The best part is that THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST has helped us to recognize all of these things as blessings from God! That does not mean it has always been easy.

Some “downs” to highlight: We have suffered severe poverty in the past due to time finding work, medical bills, student debt, etc. We had to live with family for a year because we could not afford any kind of home (including a small apartment). If it weren’t for family, we would’ve been in a homeless shelter. We once had to separate for several months due to job distance. Some years later, doctors found a golf ball-sized tumor in my husband’s brain after he experienced a grand maul seizure at work. After having the tumor removed, he was diagnosed with brain cancer and went through a year of radiation and chemotherapy treatments. At the time, our children were 2 years old and 4 months old, and we did not have family nearby at the time. When entering preschool, my daughter was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and social pragmatic communication disorder. This was a new ballgame that I did not understand or know how to handle on a day-to-day basis. I’ve experienced extremely difficult pregnancies, sicknesses, depression, and anxiety. I experienced a difficult and painful miscarriage at 12 weeks. We have lost several loved ones due to old age, cancer, sickness, and suicide. We have even mounted some obstacles within our marriage. I know I have not experienced nor do I understand all of life’s hardships, but we have had our fair share of curve balls thrown in our direction.

And you know what? Here’s the big kicker… I wouldn’t trade ANY OF IT for the world! Yes, I know. You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, I thought this was a place of truth, but this lady is officially off her rocker. No, thanks. I’m jumping off this idealistic crazy train right now before I get sucked into the whole positive-thinking circus trap.” Hold up! Stop right there!! Before you slam your laptop shut or click over to the next blog, let me explain.

Each of the challenges described above were definitely hard; I absolutely cannot deny that. Why am I grateful for them, though? It’s usually during these challenges when I learned and grew the most; that is, if I allowed it. Some people like the analogy of the refiner’s fire, getting thrown into a furnace like a steel pole, so that you can be purified and hammered into different shapes. This always sounded a bit harsh to me and made me feel a little spiteful towards trials, but definitely look into this video if that image works for you: The Refiner's Fire. For me, I like to think of it more like clay. When I am busy going through the motions of life or turn my heart/mind away from God (not even on purpose most of the time), it’s like I am dry hardened clay. I cannot budge or grow the way the potter wants. Sure, I might be a fine-looking pot that’s functional for the time-being. But when I ALLOW the Maker to poor that bit of water on me to soften me up, he is able to manipulate, add to, and shape me into so much more – even a beautiful flower vase with intricate designs and handles. Though it is often through my trials that I am "softened" enough to be molded, I am working on being better at going to that water on my own and drinking of the love, joy, and peace Christ has to offer me everyday without Him needing to dump it on me in a harsh way. In our church, we call it being "compelled to be humble" when you can only be softened through trials, which is not always ideal; though God WILL find ways – whatever it takes for us to draw closer to Him, rely on Him, and allow Him to teach us! This has definitely come in bigger ways than I’ve expected in my life, and I am certain the challenges will keep coming, but as I’ve turned to Him through prayer and total submission to His will and teachings, He has taught me incredible mysteries that I will not go into at this time. I will say one of the biggest lessons I’ve walked away with that most could learn from their hardships is how to relate to and be more empathetic towards others going through similar trials. That is one of the biggest things God wants – for us to be more kind, compassionate, empathetic, and full of service towards our fellow man. I also feel the same as the lady in the "Refiner's Fire" video -- the greater our sorrow, the greater our capacity to feel true joy. This is why I consider my challenges to be true blessings.

Where am I going?

My goal is to return back to my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ, knowing I have given my life to them, and experience never-ending happiness with my eternal family.

(Quick side note: my husband proposed to me using this scripture, saying he could not achieve never-ending happiness without me. Couldn’t get more romantic than that, right? J I also wrote a song about it with my mother that I sang on my wedding day.)

How am I going to get there? Not on my own, I can assure you – only through following Christ’s teachings, relying on Him to cleanse and strength me every day; and helping my brothers and sisters along the way. That is my hope, prayer, and goal, and I do believe He will help me get there if I continue in faith.

How can YOU know where you’re going? I wish I could say I have all of the answers, but the truth is that ONLY He can show you the way from your current point in life. I hope to share some of my thoughts as I go through my journey, though, and perhaps it will help you on yours.

Please visit my blog again and be fed as often as you wish! I am happy to read your comments, though I do ask that you remain appropriate and respectful. This does not mean you have to agree with me. Please also refrain from using my full name and/or the names of my family members if you know me personally. Thank you! Now comment away!